Possible gay husband.....?

He loves to go shopping with me. Picks out what goes with what. Carefully collects perfume. Prefers to shower with a women%26#039;s perfumed shower gel. Is very conscious of his clothes, if they match and why and how; color co-ordinates his glasses to his keychain and jacket... Knows every song by Sandra Cretu, Villiage People and Dalida (Greek-Egyptian singer). Belly dances. Loves interior decoration. LOVES buying and collecting shoes. I thought he was for me, but once we had married last Spring, he tells me that when he married me, he intended it to not be a true marriage. Tells me that he left his country and came here based on me, %26quot;To get away from it all a while%26quot;. He is depressed; goes to a counsellor for it. Does not even touch me let alone be intimate with me unless I beg him (which I stopped doing!)...for days! When asked when we will build a family (we%26#039;ve been engaged for almost 3 yrs), he says that he does not want to. %26quot;I should just sit in the desert.%26quot; he said. Any advice?

Possible gay husband.....?
End it before there are kids. It gets real messy once that happens.





He%26#039;s gay (90% chance) and his miserableness is going to get worse. Find someone who dotes on you. You%26#039;ll be setting him free as well. He%26#039;s got some things to work out.





Btw, I say he%26#039;s gay not because of his clothing or shopping, because he has no interest for sex. That%26#039;s a MAJOR sign he%26#039;s not into you.





Update:


A green card does not take that long to get. About 2 years from entering the US to holding a card in hand (with marriage/k1 visas) so you could move into a friend%26#039;s apartment and wait it out and then file for divorce.





That extra info actually changes the situation a lot. He%26#039;s probably into you for your citizenship and may leave once he gets the green card.





You don%26#039;t want a controlling man anyway. There are thousands of other men to choose from. No need to settle.





Update2:


Lifetime of suffering or start over with a clean slate.





Your choice.
Reply:Honey.... guys that love to shop and organizes things and making sure that all his clothes or what ever match%26#039;s doesn%26#039;t make them gay or bisexual or anything...





My ex loves to shop... he%26#039;s like a shop freak is what I would call it... he shops more than I do... he loves to spend dem greens (Money) on clothes, shoes, Rocks (diamond earings)... jus%26#039; a lil%26#039; bit of everything... but dat doesn%26#039;t mean he%26#039;s gay or anything... to me I call it %26quot;Being Too Conceited%26quot;... but other then that... he%26#039;s nothing like yours... %26lt;%26lt;No Offence%26gt;%26gt;





But anyhow, sweety, if I were you, I would jus%26#039; tell dat ******, to hit the road... seriously... if he%26#039;s acting stupid and not meeting your needs... that ****** should jus%26#039; bacc dah F@#$ up... get divorce and so on... you don%26#039;t wanna spend the rest of your life wit%26#039; him do you? being miserable your whole life? c%26#039;mon... who%26#039;s happiness are we talkin%26#039; %26#039;bout? his or yours? all I can say is: Do the right thing and most of all %26quot;Follow Your Heart%26quot;... =O)
Reply:Okay, him not showing affection for you is probably the only true indicator that he%26#039;s gay. The stereotypical stuff is only supporting your theory.





You need to talk to him about it though not us. You know what they say %26#039; relationships are all about communication. %26#039; Boring, tired, trite- but TRUE. If you suspect he%26#039;s gay, you need to find someway to confront him about it. Make sure you%26#039;re tactful and respectful. I would say this is quite common, but both of your happiness depends on if he can come out of the closet or not (provided that he is in fact gay.)





It%26#039;s kind of fishy to me though, like this isn%26#039;t a real serious question. I think we all have such rigid gender norms in our mind....like why would you even marry a guy like that if he behaved so gayly? Is this a fairly recent behavior?
Reply:Just because someone likes fashion doesn%26#039;t make him gay. You might as well then say all artists are gay. Thats stupid. BUT, if he doesn%26#039;t even touch you, and he intended your marriage not to be true, and is never intimate with you, he may be gay. If he stares at other men and rubbed penis%26#039;s, then you%26#039;ll know for a fact that he%26#039;s gay. But since you haven%26#039;t seen him do that, he may just not be in to you.





And the fact that you married this guy and you both never even touched each other says a lot about you. Why would you marry a guy like that? Are you just into gayish acting guys or something?





Not that I%26#039;m blaming you for this but you do take some responsibility in your choices for dating and marriage. And since this happened, I have to wonder if you even know what true love is. Or if you know what makes a man a real straight man and not some twink boy you married. This is why it irritates me when I see women dating men who, for example, look like chicks with long girly hair and have a feminine presence. When they marry them and find their gay or bi, these women get freaked out as if it wasn%26#039;t obvious that could be true about their spouse.





BTW, I understand where your coming from about your belief system. But this is why I think at least SOME intimacy is a must do before marriage, otherwise how do you find out of your sexally compadible or not? How do you know if he%26#039;s really ionto women for that matter?





Also, you said you didn%26#039;t know this side of him before marriage. I hear this line all the time when in actuality, people know a lot about the person they meet from the beginning, but choose to ignore and not dwell so much on the negative vibes they get from them in order to give the person a chance. I think this goes so far that some people try not to even acknowledge the negative behaviors the person clearly showed from the beginning of the relationship. It%26#039;s like a woman named Tiffany saying she didn%26#039;t know her husband was dishonest until after they were married and he cheated on her, when he clearly told her he%26#039;s cheated before on his past girlfriend. But hecause he never cheated on Tiffany, she ignored his potential dishonesty.
Reply:I think you%26#039;re husband is just showing his feminine side. But if you really think he%26#039;s gay then talk to him about it. Also if you really want to have a family, speak to him about it otherwise you won%26#039;t be very happy with your marriage! God bless
Reply:oh hell naw! divorce his *** immediately, he gay, at first all the shopping and **** could have just been metrosexuality, meaning not gay, but feminine, but he wont touch you, i%26#039;m telling u divorce him before he cheats on you with a man! aint nothing worse than that!
Reply:Frankly, I don%26#039;t think it even matters whether he is gay or not. What matters is that he is inattentive, not participating in the marriage as a husband should, and is controlling and verbally abusive. He might eventually become physically abusive. You are not responsible for him or for what happens to him. You need to think first of yourself and your daughter. I don%26#039;t think I would even risk discussing these matters with him. Given the way you describe him I think that would likely trigger physical abuse. I think you need a good divorce lawyer and a court order prohibiting him even getting near you or your daughter. If necessary get yourself and your daughter to a shelter for abused women. You need first of all to be safe. Good luck.





Edit:





Now that I have had an opportunity to review all of your previous questions I am wondering whether you are perhaps instructing a college course in relationships and doing some kind of survey or just toying with us for the sheer fun of it. Well whatever, I bear you no malice as you have expressed no hate here yourself. BTW how did that Jell-o mold turn out anyway .... oh, and the Egyptian drink %26quot;Tamr Hendy%26quot;?
Reply:It doesn%26#039;t really matter if he is gay or not. He can%26#039;t treat you this way. abuse is abuse no matter what. You need to move on and find someone who loves you for who you are. You need intimacy with the person you are with. If he doesn%26#039;t want this weather he is gay or not , you don%26#039;t need this kind of relationship. Find some one who will love you. Let him find his match. You have already put to much time into a relationship that is going no where. Time to move on and live your life the way you want.....
Reply:dump him quick! before it get to difficult. the guy has a problem
Reply:He%26#039;s not only gay, but he%26#039;s a user. Drop this loser right away. You need to have a life. Good Luck, dear.
Reply:sounds like you made a mistake either way.
Reply:I really think you need to let this guy go...as in dump him and get away. I%26#039;m saying this because the fact that he is controlling really scares me. I don%26#039;t want the controlling to turn into physical abuse. There is nothing worse than that. Also, its not even as if you two are friends. When you get married, your suppose to love each other, and be there for each other, get intimate, and spend the rest of your life caring for that person. does this sound like him? NO! Something is definetly wrong with him, and I really think that you should get out while you can.





Umm...as far as the gay thing...I cannot tell for sure if this man is gay. Just because he does feminine things does not mean he is gay. Gay means that he has feelings and sex towards/with other men. Unless you find out that he does, then we/you can%26#039;t really know for sure if he%26#039;s gay or not. But he really does seem to be metro, but then again I love collecting Jordans. those shoes are da bomb!
Reply:Drop him like he%26#039;s hot. He is obviously GAY!!! And one thing I know for sure, if he%26#039;s gay and not with another man, chances are he%26#039;s depressed and is willing to break your heart for the chance at true love with another man. Babe, there are plenty of straight men in the sea. Don%26#039;t be shy to walk right up to one and ask them out. Besides, straight men are WAY more fun and don%26#039;t have as much emotional baggage with them.
Reply:Normally I dispell all gay thoughts from wives because it is so hard to judge. BUT, in your case I just cannot decide. Things are adding up rather quickly to indicate he might be gay. I think it is time for an honest talk that does not stop until the entire situtation is discussed. You are the man%26#039;s wife you have a right to know, and you deserve to know. Sit him down and tell him you have to talk. I realize it is a difficult thing to discuss but that is what marriage is sometimes, difficult. ONLY YOU are going to be able to get the answers you need.
Reply:I would go and divorce him now.





NOT because he may be gay or not, but because he misled you into marrying him to be in this country. He is obviously not in this marriage to be a husband nor father.


He lied to you and he is abusive.





Leave this lying, abusive man now. You don%26#039;t need this crap.
Reply:He tricked you just so that he could get a permanent visa and is abusing you get out or kick him out! You deserve much better than that. Sexuality issues aside, what he did/is doing is horribly wrong!
Reply:If all of this is true then he has commited fraud and you are aiding and abetting him if you marry him to enable him to become a citizen. He can be deported -- and should be. You can go to prison if you continue to abet him in this illegal activity. If you are not a citizen and you are caught marrying him for citizenship/visa only then you can be deported.





If deported then neither of you can ever gain admission back to the US.





Don%26#039;t ask for sex or any intimacy. You can get aids. An eventual death sentence. For heaven sake, you don%26#039;t need to have a child by this person.
Reply:Wow,


Sounds like he%26#039;s gay.


He lead you on to get what he wanted.


Now its time to get your life back with someone who will love


you the right way.
Reply:hmmmmm....





my ex-wife%26#039;s former husband is gay, but I never acted like that :P
Reply:yep, he is gay or he is trying to turn you off so that you will leave, in any case it sounds as if he is not interested in you, it actually sounds if you were used for him to get residency here.
Reply:Why don%26#039;t you just ask him if he%26#039;s gay? But support him... DON%26#039;T HAVE KIDS WITH THIS MAN UNTIL YOUR MARRIAGE IS STABLE!!



visual arts